Portola Springs

March 13th, 2009.




Is there still wilderness in this county?


I had dreams once
of a place to the west
It was bleak
and beautiful.

But it's all been paved over
It's all black but there's no night
I've driven to the corners
But I can't find the end of it.

Maybe it was once
like I saw in my mind.
But people came
and years passed.

It traps me
Though I may run
I know it will find me
No one can hide.

I just want to feel young again
To see something new.
But places are being cloned
and I've seen it before.

I long to be happy when old
to be in peace.
But I fear by then,
silence is obsolete.

The Neighborhood

Life has been interesting these days. Best summarized as follows.

Six weeks ago:

Employed: Yes

Reliable Transportation: Yes

Miles driven per week: 330

Free time: Not so much

The past two weeks:

Employed: 5 hours/week

Reliable Transportation: No

Miles driven per week: See previous answer

Free time: 24/7

I know better, after knowing Jesus for 10 years now, than to call it coincidence and strip it of meaning and purpose. I know better than to panic and become desperate. This is to focus me and hone my purpose.

Remember just a few entries ago when I wrote about moving across the country? Welcome to my innermost thoughts. I thought I was long gone back to Pittsburgh, PA, the home of my family. I was already looking for jobs and apartments out there.

Well God has a funny way of speaking to us and working in our lives. You'd think that once I was laid off at work, that it would seem like a sign that I'm free to go, right?

Au contrare, mon frere. Since that day, it's been more clear than in quite some time past that I am exactly where He wants me. Just like in all those stories I heard in church and at Bible school, God is using this uncertain time to prove that He is our biggest certainty. I've seen enough money come my way to take care of all my bills, with just enough to spare. I've had time to slow down from the busy Southern California way of life and replace it with rest.

I've been able to do things I had always thought about doing, but fell by the wayside. I've been recording music. I finished reading a novel last night. I've been sleeping in. I've been taking pictures.

I found some beautiful horse trails right here in the neighborhood I live. I got to take a late afternoon walk and just explore and be free of any commitments or deadlines to meet. It has given me a new appreciation and comfort with the area I live in. The camera came along, of course. It was restful, and here is a sampling of shots that I got. It almost felt like fall, even in this mild west coast weather!

From Saturday's Mountain Drive: A Prayer

I am filled with your good pleasures:
Sun behind Jacinto,
skies over Gorgonio,
shadow painting on desert rocks,
endless peaks watching over cities,
a chill from altitude.

I see now
that you are in the barren as well as the flourishing.
Not a corner can I look without seeing you there.

Let me use my eyes and ears
my hands and feet
my fingers and toes
my flesh and bone
my strength and sweat
my soul and mind
my words and deeds
my love and longing,
to make you all the more visible.