I'm re-watching 24/7 Penguins-Capitals for the zillionth time, but near the end of the third episode there are shots of Pittsburgh in the winter. Hilly city blocks, across the river at the houses atop Mt. Washington. My heart instantly longs for it. At the age of 25, the majority of my life was still lived in Pennsylvania. It is impossible to ever remove me from that world completely. I begin to realize...the day I made the choice to move to California, I had no idea what the ramifications would be. Aside from all the experiences and culture I've gained, I will now be forever torn between two homes. And really, how can Pittsburgh ever compare with Southern California? It's the place the whole world longs to be. Perfect weather, money, beaches, huge mountains, desert. But for me, it has everything but seasons and family. And how do you replace those two things? So then I start to think...how can Orange County ever really compare to Pittsburgh? The history, the rustic beauty, the decay of weather, and have I mentioned...seasons! Seasons: a biblical analogy for the roller coaster of our lives, and the inspiration for so much of my music. My favorite sports teams. A familiarity with the people, culture, and geography that I have never felt in California. Try as I might, I will never fully fit in either place. And my siblings' children are growing up thousands of miles away. I may be the uncle that is more of a stranger to them.
Despite it all, I can never place doubt in God's calling on my life. Countless affirmations of His work in me and around me here in my new home force me to have comfort. I could never discount all that I've seen on the West Coast as a mistake. The evidence is too much. This was God's will for me. I followed. I've been rewarded. But earth is not my home. I cannot be at home or at perfect rest in this place. I cannot find a quiet corner of the planet where there is perfection. I must move beyond this fallen, depraved world and live in His presence; there I will be home. At rest. No more longing for distant places. A fulfillment of the days of the life that He has given me. A home. Rest. Eternity.
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ReplyDeleteoh there you are. very well spoken by the way.
ReplyDeleteWow, Matthew. That was so well said! Something my heart has been crying out for a long time. Not necessarily with Pittsburgh, just because I've never been there ( SO SAD, I know!) But nevertheless, I get the restlessness you feel and that really, it's ultimately where God has you at this point in time and this is just a constant reminder that He is our perfect place of rest, our perfect home. Thank you for sharing this! I'm guessing this picture is in Pittsburgh--definitely not in SoCal! I'd really love to see that place!
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